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Tight spot - The Ex-Communicator

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May 26th, 2011


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08:43 pm - Tight spot
In my new job I am trying to dress like a teacher rather than a scamp. It's a struggle I can tell you. Women's clothes seem to be designed to be as awkward and embarrassing as possible.

So, I get myself up in some dress with black tights and low heels. I am giving a 2-hour class on something or other. And after about thirty minutes I realise the tights are slipping down my legs. The crotch of the tights is ... descending... inexorably... towards the hem of my dress. What can I do? I can't pull them back up again. There are twenty students all looking at me. OMG why didn't I stick to trousers.

After further slow slippage things are getting desperate, so I sit down, and deliver the rest of the class from a chair. At the end of the lesson I gesture helpfully at the door and smile benevolently from my sitting position as they file out. My knees are firmly clamped together to keep the tights in place.

I then hobble across to the door (with knees still clamped together) and shut and dead-bolt it behind them. I hobble round to the side of the room, out of sight of the little window in the door. And then at last I can PULL MY BLOODY TIGHTS UP.

Jeez.

(43 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:espresso_addict
Date:May 26th, 2011 07:47 pm (UTC)
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That's happened to me in a client meeting. Though at least there's usually a table to hide behind there. What is it about tights? They're rubbish.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 26th, 2011 07:51 pm (UTC)
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They should have braces attached to them. I suppose that's what suspenders were.
[User Picture]
From:tehomet
Date:May 26th, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
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Reason #224552 in the list I like to call 'Why I bloody hate tights GRR!'

/sympathy
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 26th, 2011 07:59 pm (UTC)
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I was thinking 'This can't be happening!' I don't think the students noticed. Probably just thought I was a bit tired.
[User Picture]
From:teadog1425
Date:May 26th, 2011 07:58 pm (UTC)
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Hee!! This made me laugh out loud!! I have real problems with 'women's' clothing too - this is why I love jodphurs so much!!! ;)
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 26th, 2011 08:03 pm (UTC)
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Wish I could wear something like that
[User Picture]
From:fjm
Date:May 26th, 2011 07:59 pm (UTC)
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Two options.

1) Stockings

2) Control knickers over the top (firm to medium, high waisted).


I use both of these methods at different times. (Stockings are rotten in the summer because my thighs chafe.)

Edited at 2011-05-26 08:00 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 26th, 2011 08:01 pm (UTC)
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Fiendish. I will try them.
From:emmzzi
Date:May 26th, 2011 08:22 pm (UTC)
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am so relieved this also happens to people who are not me!

two inches from knees last week, on the tube. clenched waistband desperately through skirt while walking gingerly to loos.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 26th, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC)
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Yes, this is quite a revelation
[User Picture]
From:altariel
Date:May 26th, 2011 08:43 pm (UTC)
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Trouser suit? If Hilary Clinton can wear them...
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 26th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
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I do wear those some days. Today beige linen.
[User Picture]
From:kalypso_v
Date:May 26th, 2011 09:47 pm (UTC)
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Haven't worn tights for about thirty years, since my doctor told me they were unhealthy (something to do with hot + damp = thrush). I mostly wear knee-highs, or stockings and suspenders if the skirt isn't quite long enough for those. In warm weather, I prefer to have bare legs, but some people seem to think this improper.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 26th, 2011 09:57 pm (UTC)
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Tights weren't a problem when I was sitting at a desk but now I am walking about at the front of a room I suddenly find they are trick clothing.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 28th, 2011 09:26 am (UTC)
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There isn't a code as such but I want to project a suitable image. An added complication was I had never taught in that building before so I wasn't sure where the loos were. It was a confluence of strange factors really.
[User Picture]
From:sugoll
Date:May 27th, 2011 05:46 am (UTC)
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Duct tape? Staples? Nail gun?

Obviously, the latter is for everyone else in the room.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 28th, 2011 09:27 am (UTC)
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It does seem a fairly straightforward engineering problem. As it happened I am thinking 'you have got to be kidding me'
[User Picture]
From:vilakins
Date:May 27th, 2011 06:09 am (UTC)
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I never wear those things; it's trousers all the way for me.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 28th, 2011 09:31 am (UTC)
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I sometimes wonder whether I would have done better in my career if I had been more prepared to wear heels and skirts and so on. I do compromise, but probably not as much as some people think I should.
[User Picture]
From:lamentables
Date:May 27th, 2011 06:19 am (UTC)
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I have no helpful advice, having been a tights refusnik for about twenty years.

I am, however, shocked to read all these comments from women sharing their experiences of an item of clothing that doesn't work. I find it hard to believe that something can be so physically uncomfortable and yet upheld as the way to be 'properly' dressed. Never mind burning bras, I plan to start a movement for burning tights! (Brought to you by a simmering rant on dress codes.)
[User Picture]
From:trixieleitz
Date:May 27th, 2011 07:59 am (UTC)
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Yes, I've been reading all the kluges offered in the comments, and thinking how ridiculous it is that we are expected to meekly waste our money and dignity on something so utterly broken.

But then, I never wear tights, either. Trousers all the way.
[User Picture]
From:several_bees
Date:May 27th, 2011 07:26 am (UTC)
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I second the "wear another pair of underpants over the top" suggestion above - in my experience they don't even have to be the control-top variety linked above; any will do.

Obviously it means, you know, using more clothes, but you can cycle the underpants (one day on the outside of the tights, then one on the inside) so it doesn't involve more laundry.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 28th, 2011 09:30 am (UTC)
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Yes, I think I may have done something of that type when I was at school.
[User Picture]
From:decemberleaf
Date:May 27th, 2011 09:00 am (UTC)
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The royal wedding: I can't imagine how the women all did it, to stand for hours in those tight and pointed high-heeled shoes. And only Marina Wheeler, half Indian wife of London Mayor Boris Johnson, was wearing trousers: I kept hoping to see some beautiful outfits of women in trousers. (Also only one woman, Samantha Cameron, dared to appear without a hat, with only a "slide" in her hair.) I wonder what women will be wearing twenty or thirty years from now. "You've come a long way, baby"?--well, we've got a ways to go with regard to formal, and in your case professional, clothing for women.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 28th, 2011 09:29 am (UTC)
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I thought many of those women looked so dreadful. Their clothes were garish and unflattering. Imagine a group of rich French women, how much prettier their clothes would have been, and probably more comfortable too. Well, I prefer French style to English.
[User Picture]
From:gfk88
Date:May 27th, 2011 09:15 am (UTC)
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There you go then. That glass ceiling thingy they talk about isn't to do with discrimination or a testosterone deficit or any of that stuff. It's the tyranny of inappropriate clothing which makes women go-off-and-do-something-else-less-boring-instead.



[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:May 28th, 2011 09:27 am (UTC)
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Clothing is politics, well it's part of politics anyway
From:jthijsen
Date:May 29th, 2011 09:27 am (UTC)
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This is why I'll probably never make a career: I just don't give a rat's ass about what others think of me. So I wear only comfortable clothes and shoes and probably also do several other things that make managers shake their heads ruefully. Such as knitting a sweater at work at times when there's absolutely no work at all to be found anywhere...

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