March 4th, 2011
|05:41 pm - Seasonally adjusted|
Friends and countrymen. Some people have been concerned about our economy going down the toilet. But, what these people don't understand is that the 0.6% shrinkage in GDP which has occurred in the past three months was due to the unexpected falling of snow at Christmas. An event, I am sure you will agree, of unprecedented gravity.
Similarly, the placement of our party's candidate in sixth place in a recent by-election was due to the flowering of snowdrops and crocuses in the spring time. The thousands, or indeed millions, of people who support us wholeheartedly were distracted by the pleasant display on the way to the polling stations, and failed to arrive on time.
The plummeting of house prices is because unexpectedly high winds in March deter people from moving house, for fear of their pantechnicons swaying precariously in the stiff breeze.
And the recent statements by the Governor of the Bank of England that he is 'Surprised nobody has kicked my head in yet' and 'Oh Christ we are all doomed' were because he was tired and emotional after over-indulging in Cadbury's Cream Eggs and Hot Cross Buns.
I hope that clears things up.
I think you've got the summary about right. Especially the bit about cream eggs.
House prices, however, are plummeting because they're no longer spiking the drinking water with LSD. People now realize that it was not, in fact, a Fairy Godmother that had told them house prices would magically outstrip the economy for ever and ever; it was just Gordon Brown in a pink leotard.
Gordon Brown in a pink leotard
A formidable counter-point.
(I do agree with your point though. While I'm guessing we'd disagree about what to do in these circumstances, I'm right with you on the assessment that a significant number of people in this government are indulged in extreme muppetry. Probably no more than the last government; or possibly any government, ever; but I'd hoped for better.)
I am so totally with you on that.
(And the original post is genius)
I'm promoting you from Spin Doctor to Spin Chief of Medicine.
Will definitely steal that line
You can do anything you want. You're the Spin Chief of Medicine.