Communicator (communicator) wrote,

Holiday and Separation Anxiety

I'm going to Brittany for a short holiday starting tomorrow, for 10 days. H and I are going on our own. Although we have been away for weekends together this is the first significant break we have had from our children in twenty years (I had a baby already when we moved in together). This is only just starting to sink in.

To be honest I feel a bit like I am losing a limb. They are reaching an age now when I have to let them go, but it is difficult after so many years, such a big chunk of my life, of being responsible for their welfare and safety 24/7. I didn't sleep very well last night, and that is partly due to some deep rooted anxiety at going away from them.

Actually, the reason we have picked these dates is that my daughter is going to Tatarstan for two weeks on a youth trip, mostly paid for by the Russian government. I didn't want to leave her in England, while I was in another country, but she is too old to be dragged along with us. This seemed a good opportunity for us all to get a break we would enjoy.

However, she is off tomorrow morning, flying from Birmingham airport at 3am, and I feel frightened to send my little girl to spend two weeks thousands of miles away. Of course she does not feel worried - she's excited about it, and I think I have managed not to impose my anxiety on her.

I don't know what I will be like in France - perhaps miserable the whole time. I have to be careful that I don't impose my worries on H, who deserves a good break and a rest.
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