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August 27th, 2008


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11:57 am - Shouting
ugh, I'm feeling a bit shit, with a sore throat, and it's been like this for days. I wish I hadn't taken holiday this week.

On the subject of sore throats, this Guardian article shocked me:

Members of the average British household spend 34 minutes a day shouting at each other, a poll of couples with children showed last night. It found that just over half the families argue at least once a day. The shouting persists for an hour or more in 35% of homes, rising to 50% in households with more than one child.


Now I think of myself as a pretty shouty person but that sounds extreme. I think people must be exaggerating. If there is ever an hour of shouting at home one evening (and it has happened, for example when my son dropped out of school) I feel shattered for days afterwards, I can't concentrate at work, and I find it hard to forgive myself for letting things get to that state.

ETA Nicholas Lezard muses on the article. I notice after years of writing the annoying 'Slack Dad' articles on how he amusingly doesn't help his wife with the three children, he is now writing (much less annoyingly) as 'Separated dad' and finding, I am glad to say, that his relationship with the children is better now he values the time he spends with them instead of treating them as a responsibility to be avoided.

(16 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:hafren
Date:August 27th, 2008 12:53 pm (UTC)
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It surprised me, until I reflected that I do a lot of non-angry shouting, simply because all the members of my family tend to be in different rooms and I can't be arsed going upstairs.....

But yes, if it's arguing, someone else is definitely doing my share. Life's too short.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:August 27th, 2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
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I suppose it means whatever the people answering the questions were thinking at the time they answered. So hopefully that's the reason it's so high.
[User Picture]
From:the_wild_iris
Date:August 27th, 2008 12:57 pm (UTC)
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[Insert Blackadder's Duke of Wellington quote of your choice]

I can't remember a row in my family ever ending in shouting. Rows generally manifested by us withdrawing into moody silence, or on particularly bad occasions walking out, but not the open confrontation of shouting. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I know I find it extremely difficult to bear emotional disharmony and the consequent guilt. Maybe being accustomed to shouting as something normal is more healthy than that.
[User Picture]
From:hafren
Date:August 27th, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
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I agree. Shouting is preferable to sulking any day.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:August 27th, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
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I think either way, it's harder for kids nowadays because they can't escape from the family to play outdoors like we used to.
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From:altariel
Date:August 27th, 2008 01:35 pm (UTC)
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I recall a fair amount of yelling and door-slamming and foot-stamping in my childhood home, but there were at least four teenagers in it at the time; also, given that I was much younger, I might be remembering isolated incidents which impressed themselves on me by their noisiness. But nothing like 34 minutes worth of shouting a day.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:August 27th, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC)
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Our house was a bit like that scene in 'Annie Hall', where Woody Allen contrasts his boisterous family with her restrained WASP family. Although we were W, AS and P.
[User Picture]
From:altariel
Date:August 27th, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
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There was one memorable occasion when both mum and dad were out, there was a older-children's row which culminated with my sister kicking through a panel in one of the doors, and then all of them banding together to cover up the damage before parents returned. Personally, I wouldn't have the energy for this kind of thing these days. Hope your sore throat clears up soon.
[User Picture]
From:glitterboy1
Date:August 27th, 2008 03:09 pm (UTC)
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That's a *lot* of shouting. Actually, I just don't think I could do it - not even once, never mind every day. Any kind of confrontation is likely to leave me upset and exhausted; that would be unbearable.

It does sound as though 'children' was biased towards teenagers; it would be interesting to know more about the shouting, is it two-way, who to whom...

I'm sorry you're not well. I hope you feel better soon, and before you lose too much more of your holiday to it.
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:August 27th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
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I think the survey must have been badly designed, to encourage people to exaggerate. Back at work tomorrow, annoyingly. I've spent this afternoon playing 'Settlers of Catan' with the kids (with no shouting) so that was good.
[User Picture]
From:happytune
Date:August 27th, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC)
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Sorry you're feeling yuck. Is there anything I can bring you?

Also just picked up an email from R - she got through the Grade 7. :-)
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:August 27th, 2008 05:14 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, just resting, back at work tomorrow :-(

Good for her, she deserves it - I think the pass rate was pretty low, so double congrats when I see her
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From:sugoll
Date:August 27th, 2008 04:35 pm (UTC)
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I used to be amazed when I visited a school-friend's house - almost all family interactions would escalate to shouting. ("Can I have some tea?" "No." "WHY NOT! I HATE YOU!") It baffled me - I used to be nice to my parents before asking for things...

There's a lot of shouting chez sugoll and katlinel, but that's usually to amuse us ("tea?" "YES! TEA! WE DEMAND TEA! AND CAKE!") and/or at the telly. ("What? Oh, fuck off..." etc.)
[User Picture]
From:communicator
Date:August 27th, 2008 05:17 pm (UTC)
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'STOP SHOUTING!'
'I CAN'T!!!'
[User Picture]
From:iainjcoleman
Date:August 27th, 2008 06:19 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, I've seen what that katlinel's like with a pot of tea in her. *shudder*
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From:katlinel
Date:August 27th, 2008 09:11 pm (UTC)
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You really wouldn't like me without.

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