I pleaded for hours. The babysitter continued to refuse. I threatened to open a vein in my wrist. She remained adamant. Rather asininely I grabbed a Lego piece and sawed on myself with that. Finally a drop of blood appeared and she — the beautiful babysitter — rushed to my side and allowed me a kiss. (I was even able to cop a cheap feel!) Bells went off in my head. Outside, a gaping hole opened in the street and scorpions poured forth. Right behind this came a strange glow that turned the sky as green and alarming as a spinach compote. Meanwhile, every dog in the neighborhood was barking like a maniac, and something big and dark flew down the chimney and commenced to thrash in the corner...just the way I like it, just the way a kiss should be.
from Corn & Smoke by Blaster Al Ackerman
I think it's brilliant. Never heard of Blaster Al Ackerman.