You're Rimmer/Lister! A quite unlikely coupling,
but there's a reason Rimmsy touched Listy first
when he got his hard light projection skills.
There has to be.
Which Sci-Fi Slash Couple Are You?
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nicked from the archbishopm
Meanwhile there are some great pictures of Rimmer here.
"I'm going to thrash you within an inch of your life. And then I'm going to have you."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not a very nice person."
Stop press: found the picture I was looking for.