In this at least fanfiction is better than mainstream literature. The worst slash doesn't contain prose as extravagently bad as these extracts.
Is it just me or is there a typical failing in these passages - a huge over-estimation by male writers of the volume and forcefulness of the male ejaculate?
At one point his lover backed away to inspect the unaltered gush of it, like a plumber saying to a customer, "Don't blame me. This water supply will stop when the dam's empty." (written by Marlon Brando)
he came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye ... his dick, was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath (Giles Coren)
a demon eel thrashing in his loins and swimming swiftly up his cock, one whole creature of live slime (Paul Theroux)
I thought the Ben Elton passage was quite nice actually, and the daft things in it were meant satirically. I thought the extract from David Gossman was sweet too, just a bit over-written like a guy who is nervous and won't stop talking. And I couldn't see why Christine Aziz was in there at all.
Which do you think is the worst? Perhaps the woman shagging a lobster.
ETA it appears the 'dick leaping around like a shower head' won.
As the Guardian says, beating off stiff competition.