Communicator (communicator) wrote,

Bad Sex again

The nominations for the Guardian Bad Sex writing awards 2005 can be perused at your leisure here. These are the literary equivalent of that video of naked ladies being probed by Daleks - but for pretentious intellectuals like me.

In this at least fanfiction is better than mainstream literature. The worst slash doesn't contain prose as extravagently bad as these extracts.

Is it just me or is there a typical failing in these passages - a huge over-estimation by male writers of the volume and forcefulness of the male ejaculate?

At one point his lover backed away to inspect the unaltered gush of it, like a plumber saying to a customer, "Don't blame me. This water supply will stop when the dam's empty." (written by Marlon Brando)

he came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye ... his dick, was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath (Giles Coren)

a demon eel thrashing in his loins and swimming swiftly up his cock, one whole creature of live slime (Paul Theroux)

I thought the Ben Elton passage was quite nice actually, and the daft things in it were meant satirically. I thought the extract from David Gossman was sweet too, just a bit over-written like a guy who is nervous and won't stop talking. And I couldn't see why Christine Aziz was in there at all.

Which do you think is the worst? Perhaps the woman shagging a lobster.

ETA it appears the 'dick leaping around like a shower head' won.,6109,1656302,00.html

As the Guardian says, beating off stiff competition.
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